where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
