Best friends brother. Beat that.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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