We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
