whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
