You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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