No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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