I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
