and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
