His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
