Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
