:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
