I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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