Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
