there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
