My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
