Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
