One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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