im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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