She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
