Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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