The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
