He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
