Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
