Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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