I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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