Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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