You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I could fuck to npr.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
