what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
