I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
