You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
