things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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