On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
