oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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