Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
