the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
