Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
