Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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