You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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