he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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