A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
