the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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