It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
