i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
