Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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