Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
