you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
