i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
