I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
