She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
