You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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